2KXIV - Wait... Do people still say 2K?

Happy 2014 Nerds!

I recently brought in the New Year (you can thank me later for doing you this big favor) with the most amazing woman to ever walk the face of this planet - Me!

Just kidding... although this is how my thought process went.
-Are people gonna understand that's a joke?
-Wait... Yes, me! I am important
-I need to start treating myself better
-Sarah B, don't be that person who writes a whole self help post about loving yourself
-JILL!

Back to the point! I spent my NYE with my best friend. She's pretty awesome and I feel bad for everyone who doesn't know her. I'm going to be the Maid of Honor in her wedding (that really has nothing to do with NYE, I just wanted to brag for a minute).

We spent the night celebrating in style, no better way to end the year than doing the same things you did all year. And by in style, I actually meant, we wore sweat pants all day, got dressed up for our party, and ended up changing back into sweats at about 10:30. We went shopping, went out for lunch, painted our nails, watched Pitch Perfect, baked cakes, then got ready for our fabulous extravaganza! For those of you who don't know, the definition of Extravaganza (n.) - going to someone's parents house to sit around playing games that test your knowledge of useless information and hanging out on the couch.

I loved it. It was perfect! I love her. She's perfect!

Really though, what I wanted to talk about today are New Years Resolutions.
1. What is the grammatically correct way of saying this. Shouldn't it be New Year Resolutions - because it's a New Year, not a New Years. Or is it New Years Resolution - like you're only making one resolution?
2. Stop judging me

I love when people make resolutions for the new year (<--- problem solved)

First, just because it's the beginning of the year you're going to make some awesome change in your life? Good thing it wasn't important enough to start the moment you realized you needed a change.
I make my resolutions on my birthday every year (I don't really follow through with those either lol)

Second, the gyms are full of either A) people who have absolutely NO idea what they're doing. or B) narcissistic college kids. Neither group stays longer than 2 weeks. Glad that gets resolved quickly!

However, I did decide to make a couple of Resolutions for 2014. They came about during conversations with some friends, so I'll share those with you. You're welcome

Learn a new awesome skill: Cat whispering. Teaching. Cleaning. If you have any suggestions please leave them below.

Me- I'm not going to lose any more weight. My new goal is to gain weight
Jill- Yes! It's so much easier than losing weight
Me- My goal is to weigh 200 pounds
Jill- Perfect!
Me-... no... 250 pounds... it's something to work for
Jill- Right! That's a real goal
This is why she's my best friend. She's so supportive!

Me- I've decided I'm not going on any dates in  2014
Jac- .........
Me- that's the pathetic person's way of justifying being single isn't it
Jac- Hey, it's a good goal. You end up with a boyfriend... good job. You don't... you achieved your goal!

This is my brothers FB status and I think it perfectly explains my attempts at any resolution.

Why do people keep saying it's time to make new year's resolution?! It's kind of stupid really. "New year's resolution: start eating healthier" First day: ate salad, drank water, ate fruits, Avoided cookies and cakes. I can do this! Next day: stuffed head in batch of cookies....

2014 is gonna rock!

Jill and I at Buffalo Wild Wings eating lemons instead of putting them in our water. Solid life choices.

The Bachelorette: Survivor/Apprentice Style

So, recently I was talking with a friend of mine how much we adore men (sarcasm). I think we're both just a little bruised and bitter... but anyway, I really wanted to share the conversation with you.

Me: I'm not dating til I'm married
Her: Hahaha I love that saying! My dad used to tell me all the time that I couldn't have a boyfriend until I was married. I'm so glad someone else understands that! Every time I tell someone, they just stare at me like I'm stupid.
Me: Yes! I'm just going to get married and then get to know my husband and make him take me on dates. Where's the closest mail order bride service I can sign up for?
Her: haha I love it! yeah seriously. ugh
Me: Can we sign up as a group? Like only men from the same neighborhood can marry us?
Her: Yes let's. And we need to be picky
Me: Yes! It's going to be an application and interview process
Her: Oh definitely! We do not need any crazies!
Me: Yea. I know someone that can probably do a background check for us
Her: Perfect! Definitely need those. They need to give us examples of date ideas too... what would they plan for a date?
Me: Omg. This convo will be my next blog (yep!)
Her: hahah yay! Love it! We are pretty smart :)
Me: We are. And we're awesome.
Her: Um yes of course! These men will be put through hell... and then we will be nice :)
Me: Yep! It'll be like the bachelorette except survivor/apprentice style
Her: Yes very good!! That is a great comparison :) and what to give out if we like the person... can't be a rose - that's too nice
Me: No... We punch the people we're getting rid of. The gift to the ones who get to stay is that they don't get abused.
Her: Great idea. I could really go for punching someone lol

Yes... well... so... somehow I always end up solving my problems with violence. That is not a good thing boys and girls. Violence doesn't make you feel better, it's being sneaky and passive-aggressive planning, that will satisfy your anger.

But the point is. My friend and I are both beautiful, awesome, smart, beautiful, funny, blonde women who are fluent in ASL. (I don't know why, but I felt that needed to be included in our talents) We are also beautiful in case you didn't catch that.

We are currently in the process of creating an application to date us. Men who are dumb, mean, liars, or just plain poopy need not apply.

I'm Running Away

I think it's time, my dear, sweet, internet friends... that I do some soul searching. If you're my friend on FB, you probably already saw that I'm going to take a break. What I really need is a little hiatus from social media, from letting what I see happening in other people's lives influence me. I've been going through a decently rough time, just trying to find myself and my purpose and the things that make me happy again. I'm trying to move forward.

I don't even really think it will be a long break. I like seeing what other people are up to on Facebook and Instagram, it's a fun way to stay in touch with their lives even when we are far away. But right now, for me... I see too many things that make me think too much. I see all of my friends who are seemingly moving on with out me. I feel like I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be. I'm not talking about my city or my job, I truly love them both. I mean all of my friends are getting married and having children. That's cool, I have my cat. And one of my fish recently died. I know that I don't need to be married or have children to make me happy, but those are two things that I do really want in my life (eventually). I see these things all the time, so I think I need to have them, it's a continuous reminder that other people have the things I want. I'm sitting over here coveting and brooding. That's not healthy...

I've been alone lately and I don't really like it. But I've been alone watching so many people who are not alone. If I'm going to be alone, I need to do it without desiring the things others have. I'll be back soon, I'm sure because I've never had much will power. But contact me if you want to, I can always use some good news. I'm sure most of you know a friend of mine that can give you my number or address. Please, I beg you, do not call me just to talk about my feelings or what's wrong, I'm so tired of that. Be safe, be healthy, and be happy.

Everything Needs A Title

I know it's been seriously too long since I've blogged... Sorry fans and potential stalkers, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Let me explain myself. For me, this blog is all about being silly. It's not typically meant to be serious because everyone needs something to laugh at. But I just haven't found it in me to be funny, it's hard when you feel like most of your life got put into the washing machine.... with a brand new red sweater. Everything went in one way... and came out completely different than you expected. I also don't like to talk about my 'issues' too much. It makes me feel desperate for attention and dependent and weak. I'm not saying that I'm not these things, because there are times that I definitely am... but it makes me really uncomfortable when people try to offer me solace. If I want to talk about what's wrong with me, I'll come to you. If you are one of those people that feels you need to intervene and make things better, let me tell you the best way to do it.

1. Be funny, most of the time I need a getaway. I love to laugh.
2. Don't try to offer me the story of the same thing that happened to you. It does NOT make me feel better, instead it makes me think more.
3. Don't tell me, it'll get better, oh I'm so sorry... or offer any other type of solution. I don't need a solution to my problems, I need to laugh.
4. Play with my hair. That instantly makes everything better

If you're just nosy (like I am) ask me what's going on. I'll probably tell you. If not, then the worst thing I'll say is that it's none of your business. But if I do decide to tell you, please refer back to my 4 previous points of how to proceed.

ANYWAY! Enough of that.

This weekend I visited a couple friends from college and I was asked twice if I'm still posting my blog... that's not a lot really, but it was weird because I haven't even thought about my blog in months. Then this week I was going through my phone and found all of my blog ideas and added to the list of things I wanted to write about and suddenly two random people (that I didn't even know read this) mentioned it.

So, hopefully I'll get that inspiration to start writing again soon because I really do love it. Writing is a way for me to focus all my thoughts. I feel that my mind is always moving too fast and I can't concentrate. When I write I can only focus on one specific thing at a time. For that short amount of time that my mind isn't running away I'm so calm and relaxed.

Posts to come:
- How to avoid men in the Hearing World vs. the Deaf World
- Layman's Terms: Taxes. Why are these things so complicated?
- Slow turners
- Single people in bars aka Losers
- How bad I am with directions
And my personal favorite

- "Nice Guys" Let me just tell you why you're still single.

The End.

Dandy!

Soooo.... Heyyy. I missed you.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet. I love the movie Pitch Perfect and I watched it recently. I learned the Cup Song (When I'm Gone - done by Anna Kendrick in the movie - but I'm pretty sure was originally done by Lulu and the Lampshades)

Anyway. Yes. I learned it. And I'm proud of myself. So I'm posting it on here for all of my loyal fans. Also. I got dressed up just for you. Be thankful.

This is only the first verse, I actually know the whole song... surprisingly enough... but it got too long and even I was bored.

There are some places you just need to wear your fake engagement ring

I'm a person who is all about corny pick up lines. I think they're great, as long as they're intended to be cheesy. The quickest way to my heart is to make me laugh. (That's not true. The quickest way to my heart is to give me ice cream and tell me it won't make me fat.) 

I've gotten the multitude of funny lines and have even used a few myself. Some are perverted, some are masochistic, some hardly even make sense. I don't really care, I think they're hilarious. Totally worth the try if you want to make someone's day.  

However, today I was given the one line I can't stand. "Your boyfriend is a lucky man." 

This is a tester line... Meaning no one has previously mentioned a boyfriend. Guys use it because they're too scared to actually just come straight out and ask if you have a boyfriend. But at the same time they're also giving you a lame compliment telling you how great you are. 

Yes, thank you sir, I am awesome. You, however, did not impress me in the least. 

I really don't find it attractive when men can't be straight forward. I'm a pretty upfront lady (I say lady because it makes me sound better about my lack of sensitivity sometimes). Yes, I know sometimes it's not a line, it's an honest compliment. Today's situation was not that. It was weird

Men- we do not truly appreciate the compliment in this scenario. We women are keen on your shyness. And for me let's be real. With all my crying, I cover all the overly dramatic, woman-sensitive-coyness in my relationships. I need you to please man-up and stop being girly. 

Also! Enough with the double standards. Men are clueless about every subtle hint a woman drops. We are told to 'tell you exactly what it is we want.' I'm not saying we don't pick up on you hitting on us, but drop the act. It's just as annoying to us. (And it's not our fault you're clueless to anything woman-related anyway)

So let me tell you why I have decided to post this today. 

So I'm at the gym, right? I always wear my headphones for 2 reasons. 1) I like to listen to my music. And 2) I'm at the gym, I really don't want to talk to anyone. I'm sweaty and smelly and I come here to focus on me. 

Still, a man on the machine next to me decides to strike up a conversation. Wasn't horrible, talking about summer and my weight loss (I'll stick in anywhere that I lost 20-some pounds). We talked about swimming and the pool and stuff. Which is kinda where I draw the line. I really don't want to talk about bikinis with strange men. 

And boom! This Not-Juice-Head-Guy at my Juice Head Gym comes out with, "You look great, your boyfriend is a lucky man.'

Um. Excuse me. There hadn't been any mention of boyfriends or girlfriends yet. It was awkward, misplaced, bad timing. I really wanted to tell him that was a bad choice in pick up lines. No one said I did or did not have a boyfriend. That if I didn't have one, that would not have been the way to become my boyfriend... Because obviously any man who talks to me wants to be my boyfriend. Duh. 

I didn't say it though. I shouldn't have been as put off by it as I was. But I couldn't help it. So I just said, "I'm the lucky one! He's hot!"

That was pretty much the end of our conversation. Oops. If any of you Internet people have ever wondered why I share my life with you instead of my real friends, I hope this clears up any questions... 

Summer Bucket List

Well hello there my fabulous friend. Why are you back? I'm pretty sure I've asked you all to stop reading my blog. I really only write it as something to do... It's more of a way to express myself because I live alone and have no one to talk to at the dinner table, so I write to my internet friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry that you all obviously have even less real life friends around than I do or you wouldn't be wasting your time here. That, or, you and all of your cool friends sit around and laugh at my awesomeness and grammar mistakes. Because, you know, that's what I would do if I had friends. We would sit around and read your lonely blog and correct your English. What? I'm the only one who cares about grammar on the internet? Fine.

BACK TO MY POINT... Which I have yet to make because you distracted me by being here in the first place. This is my very first adult summer. Which means that now I'm a teacher I have my first summer off... no working. I've never had a summer like this before. I'm confused about how to go on with my life.... like... what is the next step? Do I find a friend? What do I do with it? Do I invite it over, are we supposed to talk, watch movies, how often does it eat, am I supposed to be responsible for that? So many unanswered questions!

I actually didn't have a real job last summer, but I spent all summer looking for a real job, finding a place to live, and getting fat. I got fat last summer because I didn't have something to do with my time. So last summer my job was getting fat finding a job. I don't want that again. I'm actually hoping this summer I can find some babysitting jobs. I can't do nothing all summer... I'll get fat again. And spend all my money. So I need something!

This blog isn't about babysitting. So let me tell you! Earlier today when I was obsessing over Pinterest I ran across a summer bucket list. I loved it! I get bored easy, especially now because I spent the entire month of May being SO busy I hardly had time to breathe. I feel lost, and I want to have a fun summer. Not that I think this summer will be boring. I'm in a wedding and have another friends wedding. All of my babies birthdays are this summer, so I'll have to visit them. I'm playing softball. I'll hopefully be going to my Aunt's lake house. And! A hot man is coming to visit me for a week at the end of June to be my wedding date. Yes, I know what you're thinking, Hot? like her level of hotness, or actually hot? Actually hot, my friends, actually hot. And nice. AND! He's willing to be seen with me in public! Score.

Right. Moving on. I was on Pinterest and I found this Summer To Do List. I want to add things to it, but I also want people to help me check it off. So, here is my list :) Call me anytime.

- Go to a Water Park
- Stop at a little kids Lemonade Stand
- Go Boating
- Go to the Movies
- Water Balloon Fight
- Go to an Amusement Park
- Go for a bike ride
- Have a crafting day
- Go to a museum
- Go to the zoo
- Go to a Barbeque
- Play in the sprinkler
- Car Wash
- Plant Flowers
- Catch Fireflies in a jar
- Read 10 books
- Watch fireworks
- Build a sand caslte
- Swing
- Send postcards to friends that live out of state
- Make paper airplanes
- Watch the sunrise
- Go fishing
- Sleep Outside
- Climb a tree
- Blow bubbles
- Family Game Night
- Fly a kite
- Have a picnic
- Run 5 miles
- Play in the dirt
- Have a stay in movie night