The Boyfriend

I was recently having a conversation with my boyfriend (I know you’re thinking “What! She has a boyfriend? Seriously? Poor Soul”)  about why so many people are reading my blog. Look. Stop it. He asked me why I was upset about it? The dialogue when a little like this.

“I don’t want people to read it because I’m weird. This blog isn’t actually for people to read, it’s for me to be weird and let out my weird frustrations that only you and my mom read because you already know how weird I am!”

Bald Man- “Then how are you going to have your own movie?”

“I’m not making it into a movie! I’m going to make it into a book and then an Audio book that I read in my own voice like Tina Fey and Ellen do, and then be on Saturday Night Live because that’s what you do when you’re in the big leagues!”

And of course he laughs at me when I say big leagues… but he obviously doesn’t know! It’s the truth. Then I brought up if it were a movie I’d have to cast someone for him

“I’d have to cast that dude for you and that wouldn’t look right as Hayden Panettiere playing me and this old dude being you.”

Bald Man “Jason Stathem?” And of course I had to ask him just now who it was because I don’t even know who this dude is.

“Yea sure whatever, he’s old. I’d rather have Bruce Willis play you but he’s even older. It would be a weird looking  couple.” I said exasperated about deciding why I’m not actually dating an older man.

Bald Man “yea but Jason Stathem didn’t look as old 10 years ago.”

“NEITHER DID BRUCE…. LEE! I DON’T KNOW WHY I CAN’T REMEMBER THAT HIS NAME IS BRUCE WILLIS AND BRUCE LEE IS ALL THAT’S COMING TO MY HEAD” I shouted at him

Bald Man “Bruce Willis wasn’t bald 10 years ago.

“What? Yes he was! I’ll go look it up right now.” So I go search up on Imdb.com to find Bruce Willis

“Ok… so now it’s 2012… so in… Nineteen nineeetyyy tw…”

Bald man “2002!”

“Yes, exactly, that’s what I was saying. He was bald in the 6^th Sense.”

Bald Man “I didn’t see that movie so it doesn’t count.”

“…….”

“Ok… Here we go. 2000. Unbreakable. BALD!”

“oh… well.. did he have a goatee?”

“No! BUT HE COULD GROW ONE!” again with the random yelling, like he wouldn’t have gotten the point without me yelling at him.

Bald Man “and he could shave his head!”

I don’t think I even responded to this because it didn’t seem to make any sense to me. But it stuck.

“I think he looks more like you than the other dude anyway. (Again, I’ve still forgotten his name. I could go back to look it up, but I won’t) You have the same shape head…”

Bald Man “ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE A FAT HEAD?”

“… and the slanty eyes and the thin upper lip. And yes, you do have a fat head. Get over yourself. His ears are bigger than yours.”

Bald Man “Are you kidding?! My ears are huge!” I don’t actually think huge is the word he used, but I can’t remember now. It’s been a good 10 minutes since this conversation took place. I’m growing forgetful in my old age.

“Ok? Fine then… (as I’m looking at him on Skype and wondering what he is talking about) Your ears are about as big as a helipad.”

He just laughed at me again.

“See… now this is blog material.”

Bald Man “Our conversation? You should write it.”

“No… because it’s late and I’m not going to remember what we talked about and I’m talking to you and that would mean that I would have to type it all up tonight because then I’ll forget it all and it’s just too hard.”

Bald Man “Well I’m going to play Assassins Creed, so go write your blog.”

“Ok!”

Alright… so I might be the easiest person in the world to convince to do things. OBVIOUSLY, this conversation didn’t mean as much to him as it meant to me. I don’t think he really understands that this blog could make or break my famousness. I NEED this! And what does he do? Goes and plays video games as I’m trying to plan for the rest of my life.

Now that you know… I don’t really know what you know… He’s as weird as me? He handles my weirdness well… He’s a poor sucker and I love him…. Whatever it is that you know, you know it, and you know all of it. Now go to bed. It’s late.