The Bachelorette: Survivor/Apprentice Style

So, recently I was talking with a friend of mine how much we adore men (sarcasm). I think we're both just a little bruised and bitter... but anyway, I really wanted to share the conversation with you.

Me: I'm not dating til I'm married
Her: Hahaha I love that saying! My dad used to tell me all the time that I couldn't have a boyfriend until I was married. I'm so glad someone else understands that! Every time I tell someone, they just stare at me like I'm stupid.
Me: Yes! I'm just going to get married and then get to know my husband and make him take me on dates. Where's the closest mail order bride service I can sign up for?
Her: haha I love it! yeah seriously. ugh
Me: Can we sign up as a group? Like only men from the same neighborhood can marry us?
Her: Yes let's. And we need to be picky
Me: Yes! It's going to be an application and interview process
Her: Oh definitely! We do not need any crazies!
Me: Yea. I know someone that can probably do a background check for us
Her: Perfect! Definitely need those. They need to give us examples of date ideas too... what would they plan for a date?
Me: Omg. This convo will be my next blog (yep!)
Her: hahah yay! Love it! We are pretty smart :)
Me: We are. And we're awesome.
Her: Um yes of course! These men will be put through hell... and then we will be nice :)
Me: Yep! It'll be like the bachelorette except survivor/apprentice style
Her: Yes very good!! That is a great comparison :) and what to give out if we like the person... can't be a rose - that's too nice
Me: No... We punch the people we're getting rid of. The gift to the ones who get to stay is that they don't get abused.
Her: Great idea. I could really go for punching someone lol

Yes... well... so... somehow I always end up solving my problems with violence. That is not a good thing boys and girls. Violence doesn't make you feel better, it's being sneaky and passive-aggressive planning, that will satisfy your anger.

But the point is. My friend and I are both beautiful, awesome, smart, beautiful, funny, blonde women who are fluent in ASL. (I don't know why, but I felt that needed to be included in our talents) We are also beautiful in case you didn't catch that.

We are currently in the process of creating an application to date us. Men who are dumb, mean, liars, or just plain poopy need not apply.

I'm Running Away

I think it's time, my dear, sweet, internet friends... that I do some soul searching. If you're my friend on FB, you probably already saw that I'm going to take a break. What I really need is a little hiatus from social media, from letting what I see happening in other people's lives influence me. I've been going through a decently rough time, just trying to find myself and my purpose and the things that make me happy again. I'm trying to move forward.

I don't even really think it will be a long break. I like seeing what other people are up to on Facebook and Instagram, it's a fun way to stay in touch with their lives even when we are far away. But right now, for me... I see too many things that make me think too much. I see all of my friends who are seemingly moving on with out me. I feel like I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be. I'm not talking about my city or my job, I truly love them both. I mean all of my friends are getting married and having children. That's cool, I have my cat. And one of my fish recently died. I know that I don't need to be married or have children to make me happy, but those are two things that I do really want in my life (eventually). I see these things all the time, so I think I need to have them, it's a continuous reminder that other people have the things I want. I'm sitting over here coveting and brooding. That's not healthy...

I've been alone lately and I don't really like it. But I've been alone watching so many people who are not alone. If I'm going to be alone, I need to do it without desiring the things others have. I'll be back soon, I'm sure because I've never had much will power. But contact me if you want to, I can always use some good news. I'm sure most of you know a friend of mine that can give you my number or address. Please, I beg you, do not call me just to talk about my feelings or what's wrong, I'm so tired of that. Be safe, be healthy, and be happy.

Everything Needs A Title

I know it's been seriously too long since I've blogged... Sorry fans and potential stalkers, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Let me explain myself. For me, this blog is all about being silly. It's not typically meant to be serious because everyone needs something to laugh at. But I just haven't found it in me to be funny, it's hard when you feel like most of your life got put into the washing machine.... with a brand new red sweater. Everything went in one way... and came out completely different than you expected. I also don't like to talk about my 'issues' too much. It makes me feel desperate for attention and dependent and weak. I'm not saying that I'm not these things, because there are times that I definitely am... but it makes me really uncomfortable when people try to offer me solace. If I want to talk about what's wrong with me, I'll come to you. If you are one of those people that feels you need to intervene and make things better, let me tell you the best way to do it.

1. Be funny, most of the time I need a getaway. I love to laugh.
2. Don't try to offer me the story of the same thing that happened to you. It does NOT make me feel better, instead it makes me think more.
3. Don't tell me, it'll get better, oh I'm so sorry... or offer any other type of solution. I don't need a solution to my problems, I need to laugh.
4. Play with my hair. That instantly makes everything better

If you're just nosy (like I am) ask me what's going on. I'll probably tell you. If not, then the worst thing I'll say is that it's none of your business. But if I do decide to tell you, please refer back to my 4 previous points of how to proceed.

ANYWAY! Enough of that.

This weekend I visited a couple friends from college and I was asked twice if I'm still posting my blog... that's not a lot really, but it was weird because I haven't even thought about my blog in months. Then this week I was going through my phone and found all of my blog ideas and added to the list of things I wanted to write about and suddenly two random people (that I didn't even know read this) mentioned it.

So, hopefully I'll get that inspiration to start writing again soon because I really do love it. Writing is a way for me to focus all my thoughts. I feel that my mind is always moving too fast and I can't concentrate. When I write I can only focus on one specific thing at a time. For that short amount of time that my mind isn't running away I'm so calm and relaxed.

Posts to come:
- How to avoid men in the Hearing World vs. the Deaf World
- Layman's Terms: Taxes. Why are these things so complicated?
- Slow turners
- Single people in bars aka Losers
- How bad I am with directions
And my personal favorite

- "Nice Guys" Let me just tell you why you're still single.

The End.