First, let me explain that I rarely use the terms disability or handicap. There are too many negative connotations that go along with those words that instantly put people off. There is too much of a focus that an individual is now somehow limited because of their disability. And I never, ever use the term 'normal' as an opposite of different.
Second, I'm not always the best with words so this post might be very straight forward at times and this is where I need you to know that I mean to say nothing with malice. This is my blog, my opinion, and my experiences only.
Third, I haven't even brushed my teeth yet and my mom is looking at me like I'm crazy because I walked straight out of bed, picked up her computer and said, "I need to write!" (I can't forget everything I was thinking) Obviously, I also look beautiful.
Alright, also. This could be long.
A few months ago, a lady I know who is pregnant found out that her child will probably be born with Down Syndrome. I found myself not feeling sad or sorry for her. Not in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I actually felt excited. Naturally, I didn't say that to her, she was scared, this was brand new to her. I originally wanted to write this post then, but never did.
Yesterday, my mom told me a family we know found out their son is deaf. Born with a sensorineural, mild to moderate hearing loss. The same as my brother.
*For those of you who don't know, there are two main types of hearing losses and I will try to explain them in the most simple way I can. Conductive - typically meaning something is wrong with the sound waves entering your ear; an issue with the ear, ear canal, ear drum, or bones. And Sensorineural - the issue lies in the nerve sending the sound from the ear to the brain. For an explanation of the levels, please go here: http://listeningandspokenlanguage.org/Document.aspx?id=1101 This is the simplest, best explained chart I could find.
Anyway, when my mom told us that this brand new baby boy is deaf, I was excited! It wasn't just me, two other people were excited, someone who is Deaf himself responded with "Oh really? Cool!" and another hearing man whose parents are Deaf responded "That's awesome!" Genuine, from the heart, excitement from the three of us. Why are we so excited though?
I just told you my brother is Deaf (most of you knew anyway). I was four when he was born and the only memory I truly remember before him was eating dinner at Christmas and proclaiming, "I'm ready for the baby to come!" He has been around my entire life. We (I say that loosely, meaning my parents) found out he was Deaf around 8 months old. Mom said she suspected it earlier, but it wasn't confirmed until then.
From the start, this boy has been different. Different in the way that he hears, in the way that he acts, how he perceives others, treats others, loves, shares, feels, expresses, lives. Mitchell is different and he is the single best thing to ever happen to my life. I've had this conversation with two other of my friends who grew up with a sibling who was different (meaning having some 'disability'). We all feel the same way. Our lives are changed, and we are better people because we grew up with someone different in our family.
Most people don't get this experience. But I did. In my life, I've seen him occasionally struggle socially, academically, random, regular world things that most of us take for granted every day. He always pursued, he never once gave up, never felt sorry for himself, and never lashed out at others. It has helped me to see people differently. Perhaps to be a little more understanding to people who aren't as mainstream as the people I am used to. It has helped me to be more compassionate and understanding in a way that, maybe, they don't receive from a lot of people. It has helped me tremendously as a teacher, to be patient and kind, even when patience and kindness weren't given to me. I sometimes understand people differently because I've seen different.
Even with everything my brother may have encountered while being Deaf, he has always been my rock. He has always given me 100% when I needed it. He has never held back when I needed him and is the only person in my life who I can say has never once let me down or disappointed me. This is where I got my title, Why I don't feel bad for people with "disabilities", Mitchell is different and he is my absolute best friend.
Someone who grows up different has this capacity to love that I've never seen in anyone else. This love is unconditional, it is pure, and it is amazing. Mitchell is the single most accepting person I have ever met. I don't see him turn people away because of something superficial. He sees people for what they are, he looks past face value, and always finds the good in them. Don't get me wrong, of course there are people that he doesn't necessarily get along with, but I know he got the chance to know them before he made any decision.
Now he's an adult, goes to Gallaudet University (the University for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing in Washington, DC). He plays college baseball, writes occasional articles for their newspaper, has an outstanding GPA, is working as a counselor at a camp for Deaf kids this summer... I could go on and on and on... but really, it's not all about him. I'm speaking from my experience within the Deaf Community. I go to visit him as much as I can and Gallaudet feels like home to me. I have met so many people who have accepted me for no other reason than the fact that I was in their presence. And I don't mean that they let me sit with them at the baseball games. I mean they included me, were interested in me, they truly embraced me.
So yes. I was excited when I found out your son was Deaf. Brad was excited, Mitchell was excited. Because you know what you have now? You have a way to look at the world differently. You have all these doors that were open to you, but you never knew were there! You have the chance to raise another amazing person who will touch the lives of others. Maybe someday, years from now, you'll be excited for someone else too.
I'm not a parent and can't pretend to know the struggles of one. But I can tell you this. Having someone who is different in your family is going to bring you some of the happiest, proudest, and most joyful moments of your life. And this is coming from a sibling, imagine how your heart will burst as a parent! No, it won't always be easy - it never is. But you're going to feel love you have never experienced before, and that - that will be amazing.
Amen Sarah! My future stepson (I really hate that word) was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder a few years ago. I saw the typical behaviors of autism right from the start, and carefully approached his father about it. I was amazed with his response. I had feared he would be offended that I thought something was "wrong" with his son. Instead, he was interested in the behaviors and immediate evaluation so he could get Ethin in therapies to help him catch up with his peers. With PT, OT, ST & ABA therapies, two of which he has been released from, Ethin is a happy, active, socially interactive little boy. He will always have delays. He will always have challenges. But he is the most loving, sweet person I've ever had the privilege to love!
ReplyDeleteAmen Sarah! My future stepson (I really hate that word) was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder a few years ago. I saw the typical behaviors of autism right from the start, and carefully approached his father about it. I was amazed with his response. I had feared he would be offended that I thought something was "wrong" with his son. Instead, he was interested in the behaviors and immediate evaluation so he could get Ethin in therapies to help him catch up with his peers. With PT, OT, ST & ABA therapies, two of which he has been released from, Ethin is a happy, active, socially interactive little boy. He will always have delays. He will always have challenges. But he is the most loving, sweet person I've ever had the privilege to love!
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